Cynthia Trott's Posterous

Very early in the year my brother got sick.  He was my only sibling. We were a small family.  I was all he had and I wish I could have done more.  I started traveling back and forth on the train, to CA.  Every time I got there he was worse.  If only I had had the money to just stay there the whole time.....maybe........just maybe things would have been different.  I will never know.  The last morning I arrived at Union Station in Los Angeles on April 30th I hailed a taxi in front of station and went to the hospital.  They moved him to Los Angeles the last 6 weeks of his illness.  I guess I was in denial because when I arrived  at the hospital.  He was bad as you can get.  He never knew I had come back.  He had a few friends there.  Women/gals who had worked with him.  They said and did their best to convince me they loved him so much.  What ever!

Immediately they tried to get me to "pull the plug" right then and there.  I had just arrived and needed to talk to the doctor.  I finally did talk to the doctor and everyone else but took a few hours to be sure I was making the right decision.  Only I could do that and I wanted to be sure.  The doctor agreed with me and didn't push.  His friends did.  I was already getting mad at them.  It was only "my" decision and no one else.

I had arrived there around 9:00 A.M. that morning and around 8:00 P.M.  I made the call.  Hardest one thing I have ever done in my whole life.  Never want to do it again.  Funeral was 12 days later as the funeral home told me it was "the dying season"????  Couldn't believe they said that.  Johnny was being cremated so I waited and waited.  So hard.

Finally on May 12th I had a very nice service for him with honor guard and a taps player and it was over.  I felt so alone and so lost.   After the service we did have a nice reception at Johnny's favorite Greek restaurant on the Pacific. Wonderful Greek food........but still I was lost.  My oldest daughter Lisa did fly out the day before and that helped.  She drove me back to TX and we arrived home late the night of my birthday. I did bring Johnny's Chevrolet truck.

After I got home things stayed in a slump.  Laurine........my lady........went in to a nursing home and I had no job.  I had pretty much depleted my savings with trips to CA and then burying my little brother as he just never got around to get a burial policy. 

Still looking for a job..........living with friends outside of Rockport in Lamar.  I have gone back full circle.  Should have never moved in with Laurine.  I  knew better and I did it anyway.  I never listen to myself.  Just can't mix your job and your home.  When one goes .....so does the other.  Should have stayed in my little house on the bay. STUPID - STUPID - STUPID!!

I have left out a lot of bad details as it is too painful to talk about.  My brothers so called friends pulled some terrible things on me and took some of his belongings.  These people had professed to caring so much.

On another subject..............one other reason I haven't been around much is a contact on Multiply called me a "cow" during this time.  Sometime in January or February I became friends with that retired pilot Chuck.  He kept commenting on my posts for months so I finally just invited him. I enjoyed his comments and he seemed like a very intelligent man - so why not?  He was posting every day and I commented as much as possible and for the life of me I don't remember anything I said that was offensive.  He stopped over nite commenting on mine and he went on and on and I was wondering what was up.  Finally about a month later......he said "thank God.....I think that cow finally deleted me.  Well at that time I wasn't showing a picture of myself in my profile.  I had just put a pic of Izzy my dog on my profile pic.  I thought surely he doesn't mean me! But my pic was gone so  must have thought so.  I waited another month and then I wrote him a real nice message and ask him if I was the "cow" and if I had offended him I was sorry.  He never responded to me!  SO OBVIOUSLY I AM THE COW!!! LOL